The Player:
Danny Malone (?)
The Players:
Diving For Pearls
What Is It?
Some late-80s Pop-Metal venture by a bunch of guys who could have played a gig at Disney World and no one would have given it a second thought. Don't let the unbelievably Blues Metal cover fool you; these men are about as dangerous as a litter of puppies. There must have been a war of sorts within every blues metaller's mind in the late 80s: "Hmm, I want to look and/or sound dangerous, but I still want to get pussy". Thus came what I call the "Half And Half" compromise that even Roxanne was a bit too good for. Basically what "Half and Half" means is that half the songs on the record are ballads and the other half are presumably "rock songs". Well, it seems that Diving For Pearls went this route...kinda.
Does It Suck?
Lets be clear. This record is some average-azz BULL SHIT. While listening to this album it's still a wonder why I didn't get some sort of boredom-induced migraine, because DFP has TWO SONGS (1. Ballad 2. Semi-Rock Song Ballad). FUCK. I dare you to listen to this record. I dare you to find one above average song. (If there was one, it would be "I Close My Eyes", but by a stretch). Let me break it down: Take the Roxanne record and put it through 5 producers and 5 record company executives circa late 80s, each making whatever changes to the sound and appearance they like. You would come out with a pile of dog shit, or more accurately motherfucking diving for pearls. The ONLY moment that this record has are some solos and the song "I Close My Eyes" (which, for the record was not on youtube). These guys were probably to rock radio in 89 what Godsmack was to rock radio in '03. *shudders* Every single thing about this record is completely inconsequential, and I honestly would have been better off not listening to it. The only good thing about it is the cover, which I barely caught a glimpse of in a thrift store before snatching it up in my arms - because I thought I knew what the record was going to be like...
Are There Any Woman-Cursing Blues Songs?
Maybe one, or two at the most, but the band isn't really into blaming the chick. the vibe I got was that they spend most of the time blaming themselves because they're clumsy and insecure around girls by sitting in a corner and cutting.
Wrap-Up
This album is shite, save for half of a track and a couple leads. me giving this 4/10 would be merciful, so here's a big fat 3/10 for ya. Oh and by the way, one of the songs on this record is a Police ripoff in every sense. Suck it.
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